Holidays should be a time of joy, not unneeded stress

Television and magazines depict the holiday season as a time when everything is perfect and everyone is happy. We tend to try to make this "the best holiday ever." But in reality, things don't always turn out as picture-perfect as we might hope.

Planning ahead can help make the holidays more enjoyable and happier. Don't try to do everything by yourself, but involve other family members. Prioritize what needs to be done so the most important things will be sure to get done. Be sure children are included in the holiday projects doing age-appropriate tasks.

This is the time of year when people tend to overdo to make others happy. This attitude drains time, energy and finances. People cook too much and don't have room to store the leftovers. They shop for special gifts when the recipient may not even remember that was given last year.

Real "happy holidays" come from practicing sound resource management of time, money, and energy. Happy holidays are the enjoyable times spent with family and friends.

Try to keep the right focus during the holiday season. Ask yourself what the holidays mean to you? What is important to your family during this season?

This is a season to show others that you care. Show your giving spirit by running an errand for an elderly neighbor, baking cookies for a student completing final exams, or helping your children make useful gifts for residents in a nursing home.

When families make extended visits during the holidays, too much togetherness can bring about conflicts. Discuss with your family before making the visit about the expectations various family members have. To have the expectation of peace and quiet when there are small children around is likely unrealistic. To get into some heavy discussion about politics or religion has not been known to bring about a lot of family harmony. Plan visits to cover an optimal amount of time, not the maximum allowable days. There is likely some truth in the old saying that "fish and relatives start to smell after about three days."

Schedule activities that take into account the age span of the participants. Younger children do not like to set around the dinner table and discuss family matters for any great length of time. Older grandparents do not enjoy lots of noise and commotion for extended periods of time. Time alone is valued whenever groups of people get together. An occasional walk or trip to the store is a pleasant relief for everyone.

Accept the fact that there will be differences of opinions. Relationships are much more important than proving your point or trying to convince others of the error in their ways and thinking.

Be slow to give advice to another adult. Adult children do not generally take well the wisdom and knowledge from the previous generation on how to raise children. Grandparents are well advised to treat their married children as peers and adult friends, not as children. Adult children should heed the same advice to be very slow in suggesting ways their parents might do things different. Giving of advice to each other is fine if it is asked for, and then given in small doses.

Share the load of work that must be done when people get together in groups. It is often hard for the host to ask guests to pitch in and help. That help might be in the form of physical labor or going to the store and buying a sack of groceries.

Plan on having fun. If everyone can provide some humor, complements and expressions of love and appreciation for one another, the chances of having fun are greatly improved.

May you and your family have a happy holiday season!