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A lesson in humbleness and gratitudePosted Tuesday, November 27, 2007, at 10:52 AM
Since I am an adult and have children at home for which I am solely responsible, I know how important it is for me to continuously be self-sufficient. Even when problems arise for which there seems no solutions, I expect myself to discover the solutions even if I have to search for them as if they are hidden treasures.
If I fail to discover the needed answers, then I must assume that I have not succeeded at the mission given to me by a higher power. I must admit defeat and declare my failure.
I have recently learned that the aforementioned scenario is a misconception on my part. Since I am but one human being with limited means financially, physically and mentally, I suppose it might be impossible at times for me to be completely self-sufficient. However, I still remain reluctant to rely on the help of others. I suppose this is not an entirely bad quality to have. For if I became too laxed about my self-sufficiency, it would then become easy to take advantage of the kindness of others.
I guess it is possible though for my pride to step in the way of obtaining the answers. Maybe it is pride that brings me to the thinking that I must do everything on my own. Maybe I want to discover the treasure on my own because I know that everyone else has their own special circumstances that they need to tend to. I would never want to be a burden on those close to me.
Whatever the reason, I am completely uncomfortable asking anyone, except for God, for help when I feel over-whelmed. I am also uncomfortable accepting help that is offered. As I have already mentioned, other people have woes too. I do not want to add to their already heavy burdens. It has always been my goal to help lift the burdens of those around me, not add to them.
I guess the Lord has decided that I need a lesson in humility. For I have recently found myself in a pit that I cannot seem to trudge out of on my own. Even at the bottom of the pit, I still found myself refusing offered help. Knowing my level of stubbornness, and also my desperate need, many of those who are close to me on a day to day basis joined together, unbeknownst to me, and provided for the need that my children and I had.
I must say that the actions of these kind-hearted people left me with multiple emotions. At first, I felt guilty that they had to be bothered with my problems. Then I was overcome with guilt and anger at myself because I hadn't been able to take care of this need on my own.
In the end, somebody told me that I should not feel bad about the actions of my friends. It should make me feel good to know that I have so many people who really care about me.
I guess I had no idea that so many people really did care about me and my children. I know that I am unworthy of the kind acts bestowed upon us. Maybe it is this feeling of unworthiness that causes my eyes to tear when I think about what was done for me. I didn't deserve the kindness of those around me, but they gave anyway. I will be forever grateful to them.
I truly hope that someday I will be able to give back what has been given by helping someone else who is in need. This is my daily prayer.
Since I really don't know everyone who was involved in this act of kindness, I am writing this blog hoping that all who participated will read this and understand the depth of my gratitude.
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