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Sunday, Dec. 21, 2014

Bitterness Breeds Revenge

Posted Monday, August 20, 2007, at 11:24 AM

Anger is a natural part of life, I suppose. Some situations in life just call for a little hostility to pop its head out once in a while. Though, I believe, sometimes our anger is completely justified, I simply cannot condone revengeful behavior.

I realize that I am not an expert in the field of emotions, but I have experienced the wrath of one who acted out of revenge and anger. I have also become angry myself. Come on, who hasn't become red-faced with emotion! Becoming angry is a natural part of life. It is what we do with the anger that can make it a bad thing.

Unresolved anger can quickly turn into bitterness. This bitterness can cause our hearts to turn stone cold; thus starting a chain of events in our lives that can never lead to contentment or happiness.

We place the blame for our anger on a person or persons who may or may not deserve it. Regardless, the blame is assigned and our mission to get even begins. We won't rest until we have turned the "culprit's" life upside down. We find ourselves doing everything we can to ruin that person or persons.

The problem that I have noticed with this is that it seems to be a never ending cycle. Our actions are never enough to make those who have hurt us pay. We must find new ways to wound them. I suppose that it is like becoming addicted to a drug. With each revengeful act, we become more and more addicted. Acting on the anger only causes us to have more anger. When does it stop?

If a person committed adultery twenty years ago, should that person's job be at stake today because of it? How long should a person pay for mistakes made? Will that person's children and grandchildren pay also?

How many children are put in the path of anger because one parent becomes angry at the other parent? It makes me wonder how a person who takes their hostility out on those precious creatures, who did not ask to be born into a big mess, can even sleep at night. How can this type of revenge feel good?

I know that even though I would never intentionally wound someone, I have made mistakes in my life. Though I didn't mean to, I have hurt people. Knowing that I am not perfect, should I expect everyone else to be so? What would give me the right to expose the skeletons in someone else's closet knowing that I have some in my own? After all, who hasn't made a blundering decision once or twice in life? Who among us stands spotless in a pool of perfection?

I know that I cannot put myself in the category of perfection. Though I do become angry at times, I try to deal with this emotion. I make an effort to forgive trying to avoid the on-set of bitterness in my heart. For one thing, I know that my life will have much more quality to it if I have good feelings stored in my heart instead of bitterness.


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Here's my problem with the whole anger issue. While anger is a natural emotion, it sickens me to see how many people think it's okay to be rude and ugly to each other. And that's people in a relationship together, people on the road, people on the street, whatever. So many people just get mad way to easy and way too often.

It's ridiculous to think that one person thinks they are so much better and so much bigger than somebody else that they feel they can just yell and scream and say whatever they want to that person.

My wife and I have a great relationship. We hardly ever fight, though we do have disagreements, but I can't remember the last time we really got so mad at each other we started raising our voices to each other.

But in the few times that we have, I always think afterwards, "Who am I to yell at her?" I mean, really. She's just a human being just like me. She's not below me. What gives me the right to say nasty things to her or raise my voice to her.

So many husbands/wives, girlfriend/boyfriends, think it is okay to raise their voice to their other because they are in a relationship together. Well you know what? It's not okay. It's sick.

Getting in a relationship with somebody doesn't give you the right to say mean things to that person. Being in a relationship should be the one thing that prevents you from saying mean things to that person.

I know it's hard to control sometimes and I know people who spend a lot of time together tend to argue. Just watch what you say. And remember that you love that person.

I could go on for days on the topic because almost every day I'm witness to some person being mean to somebody else. We all are witnesses to that. It happens all the time.

A parent whipping their kid, a driver flipping off another driver...it's all over.

And as much as I try to just accept that anger is a part of life, I can't. Nothing depresses me more than when I know I was mean to somebody. Luckily, I'm rarely mean to anybody. I think I get that from my dad.

People make mistakes. And when they do, yelling at them or making rude remarks does nothing to make the situation better.

We're all in this life together. Help each other be better.

Don't try to make yourself feel better by making someone else feel worse.

That never works, whether you think it does or not.

-- Posted by The Union Forever on Tue, Aug 21, 2007, at 2:58 PM

I agree with your observation that taking your anger out on someone else does not succeed in making you feel better. The times that I have became angry and yelled at someone, I have felt worse when I was finished yelling because then I felt guilt for causing someone else to feel bad.

I will never understand those who enjoy causing bad feelings in other people. How do they sleep at night?

-- Posted by Rayma Silvers, Fort Scott Tribune Staff Writer on Wed, Aug 22, 2007, at 9:39 AM


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