I was sitting on the couch the other night watching a movie with my husband, Josh. Normally, we spend the evening playing with our son, Cainan, with Blue's Clues or Cars playing in the background. This evening, we were watching a grown up movie and relaxing. Cainan, who will be two years old next month, stopped playing and sat down on the floor, clutching his stuffed cat he always carries, with his two fingers in his mouth. He finally lay back on the floor with this kind of exaggerated sigh, as if the boredom was too much for him.

Josh and I diverted our eyes from the movie to Cainan. Josh turned to me and said, "I think it's time for another baby."

Thinking back on the situation, I wonder if my eyes popped out of by head and made a funny "boing" sound like a cartoon character.

Instead, I think I calmly replied, "Oh you do, do you?"

Josh has mentioned another baby in passing every so often over the past few months, but it's never seemed to be a subject that has stuck. Well, this time it has. And sticky it is.

I don't want to give the impression that battle lines are drawn here. It's not a "Yes" and "No" situation with Josh and me on opposite sides. It is much messier than that. I'm straddling the line.

The truth is that I want another baby.

The truth is that I don't want another baby…yet.

The truth is that we have given this a lot of thought.

The truth is that we are over thinking this.

Cainan will be two next month. If we were to start trying to have a baby in the coming months, then Cainan would be almost three years old by the time the new baby arrived. That is about the distance between siblings we want for our kids.

There are so many factors when talking about this…our finances, time for both kids, how this will affect Cainan, how it will affect me physically, how will it affect our marriage? Will we need a bigger house, a bigger car? What about college tuition?

I've read several articles that give pros and cons to having another baby at certain periods of your life and your first child's life. There were about as many pros and cons for each timeframe. There were some really valid points, but in the long run, the articles just reinforced every thought and emotion we are already having.

I think a large part of MY hesitation is fear. I don't want anything to take me away from Cainan. Will I be able to meet the needs of two children? Will I be adequate?

I comfort myself with the thought that I had these same fears before Cainan was born. So did Josh. And we have done just fine. I am amazed at where the money, the patience, the strength and the confidence come from. Thank God.

Most people in our families keep telling us to wait until Cainan is in kindergarten. Are they kidding? My kids would be five years apart. That just doesn't seem to fit with me.

Both sets of our parents came from big families. Josh is the youngest of four children. I am the oldest of four children. There is a 21-year difference between my youngest sister, Mackenzie, and me. I have numerous stepsiblings. Josh's two sisters, who are just a few years older than me, have seven kids between them, and they both live very productive lives. Josh and I are already more financially stable than our parents were at our age and they already had a lot more kids.

In the bigger aspect of things, I find it somewhat humorous that we think we have control over this. In the end, it's really not our decision when a human life is formed.

One friend I talked to about it said we should just go for it. She said if we waited until we felt we were "ready" for it, then we would never do it. I agree with her. It's good that we are excited and a little scared. That's a big life-altering decision. If it didn't initiate these feelings, then something would be wrong. That doesn't mean we should walk into it without having thought about important aspects. But we can over think those important aspects waiting for the perfect opportunity. Cainan was not planned and he is the most wonderful thing in my life. I don't get to eat out, buy new clothes all the time or hit the town with the girls, but the trade off is more than worth it. I know that our families want us to wait so it's not so hard taking care of two kids. I find that silly. How will having two children five years apart be easier than having two children three years apart? So you don't have to pay for daycare for one. But you do have to pay for school, activities, supplies, clothes, lunch, etc. Kids never stop needing stuff. As my friend said, the money will be used for something else.

The factor that counters all of the so-called negative aspects of having another baby now is the fact that Cainan will have a sibling to grow up with. He loves other kids and he is so good with babies. I think back on the memories of growing up with my sisters and I couldn't imagine ever having been an only child. My sister, Baily, who is 20 years old now and has always been my "baby" sister and I are very close now and chat daily. Josh and his brother Aaron are very close and can always depend on each other. I want that for Cainan.

All of this could easily make my head spin. But in the end, I know we just have to pray about it and God will give us our answer. As one article I read said, you can weigh the pros and cons, but in the end, you just have to follow your heart.