My fondest memories are Christmases from my childhood. My mom has always been really good at planning this time of year; decorating the tree, making cookies, candy and bread, driving around to see Christmas lights. We had traditions that we followed every year. On Christmas Eve, we got to open our smallest present. My sisters and I cuddled up to my mom as she read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and the birth story of baby Jesus from our children's Bible. Then we scurried off to bed, awaiting the first light of dawn to rejoice in the birth of Christ, open presents and spend the day with family.

That all stopped when my parents got divorced. Granted I was a senior in high school, but it was the first Christmas in 18 years that we were not celebrating this important holiday as a family. It was now split into two very different days.

I love both sides of my family dearly and we still have our Christmas traditions for both sets, but I vowed that my kids would never have to experience the feeling of separation that my sisters and I experienced.

I was wrong.

Last year was my son Cainan's first Christmas. My now husband, Josh, and I were separated at that time. What was supposed to be a day of celebrating our Lord and family and watching the wonder and amazement of our son was one of the saddest days that I can remember.

Josh had Cainan that Christmas Eve with his family. I went to my normal family gatherings and fielded the inevitable question, "Where's Cainan?" I always hated that. I just wanted to scream, "If he's not with me, where do you think he is?" or I wanted to be real smart-alecky and say "Oh, I left him at home by himself." Come on, people, it's hard enough without you asking. I begged my Grandma to warn everyone to resist the temptation.

Josh brought Cainan to me later that night and on Christmas morning, Cainan and I got up bright and early at our apartment. I set up the video camera and placed him in the middle of the carpet with his presents all around. I feigned excitement and happiness while helping him open his presents, all the while holding back tears because I knew full well that something was missing. No presents at all would have been fine for us if Josh had just been there.

That's why this Christmas means so much to us. We are finally a family together. We decorated our tree last week together, helping Cainan put ornaments on and watching him take them back off. Josh and I will go Christmas shopping together for Cainan. And on Christmas morning, we will both be there, taking turns holding the video camera while Cainan opens his presents.

Finally, a Christmas together.