It is without any doubt the holiday season. Kids are turning in wish lists for devises NASA couldn't operate, people are filling their yards with massive displays of Christmas spirit, which are then filled with hot air, and all at once the entire population collectively goes crazy. This is not a new experience though. Every year people go crazy, then other people tell them to calm down. FYI, telling crazy people to calm down is not generally all that constructive.

So, how do you cope with the joyous holiday tears and hair loss? I don't know to be honest about it, but it is fun to talk about people going over the top for the holidays, so let's do that.

I have always done what I could to remember what is important about the holidays. Let's face it though, when the last toy needed for holiday shopping just found its way into someone else's cart, it's human nature to tell that someone where they can stick that toy.

As desperately as you need that particular thing though, imagine the possible circumstances surrounding that person buying it. They could be jobless and may not have seen their child in months. Maybe they had to borrow every penny they're shopping with on a bad check, just to buy that one gift for their baby, who may not be seen again for many more months.

That's not what you think though is it. Me neither. We're tired, stressed and fully well aware of the fact that there are another 26 presents at home still to be wrapped. So, we automatically assume that this person is extremely wealthy, in fact, they probably own the factory where these things are made. They probably have 8 thousand toys exactly like this in their living room right now. The absolute only reason this person came to this store to buy this toy is they hate us and want our Christmas to fail. What a jerk.

Now is when things get bad. You now believe that this is hostile territory and it is you against everyone else. The person you came to the store with has sneaked away to look for your gift and as sweet as that is, you now hate them because if they were at your side you could focus on them and calm down. But they aren't, so it's go time.

The store is now a battle zone on which you have to mount your attack. The aisles are now bunkers, and your cart has morphed into a tank. There is no mercy in this war, everyone is guilty of something and you have been chosen to let every last one of them know. Elderly women, little kids, doesn't matter they're all going to pay for what they have done to you.

So you ram your way from aisle to aisle looking for a new toy to purchase for your child or relative, which is irrelevant at this point. Even if you really do not like the particular person you're shopping for, they're getting a gift, just because.

It has now become very difficult to find anything you want because everything has turned red. Unless you are looking for an Elmo doll, you're in trouble at this point.

You have now made a dire mistake. Searching for this gift you accidentally past the musical card aisle. You were already angry, tired, sweating and having trouble seeing, and now you can't get Yanni's flute version of "Noel," out of your head. Something bad is going to happen.

Looking past the bumper car style shopping frenzy, and Yanni induced rage, you now have a gift in sight. You grab it, not a normal grab, but in the "it's a loose ball and I'm coming up with it," style grab. After you get done elbowing off the imaginary competition looking to steal your prize, it's off to the register.

As bad as things were for you in the aisles, the register holds a much worse fate. This is the place that decides whether you have the restraint to make it home to celebrate, or have met the end of your rope and are going to jail to cool off.

Of course the store you chose is a large department store (where else can this much fun exist), and there are 80 plus lanes to help you check out your items. But why are the open lights above the registers only on for 3 lanes? Because the employees of this store are on their side. It's OK though, the store has registers that allow you to check out yourself. Why are the self check out registers closed? Because employees have to be at the registers in order for you to use them. What? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of "self check out." No problem, it is a week before Christmas and they surely have brought in their veteran employees. So, you choose one of the lanes and make your way back to the back of the store to get in line.

This is where therapy is available if you choose to take it. There are always a dozen other people in line who are having a much worse day than you. These are the people to focus on. Only disturbing, cynical laughter at someone else's expense will save you now. If you can lose the blind rage and laugh off all your anger, you will be fine. If not, the gauntlet awaits you.

"hum-hum-hum-hum,hum-hum-hum-hum," you sing waiting in line, followed by "let me bump into Yanni sometime on the street, the things I'll do to him and that flute."

After 5 hours of listening to the person in front of you, tell his friend how to pass the eighth dungeon master in some video game, you're almost to the register. You are still not sure why they are training new people on this particular day.

Oh, there is your friend, the one you came into the store with. You think about what punishment would be suitable for leaving you alone in this mad-house. These unpleasant thoughts help to get you by until it is your turn at the register.

"What is this? How much is this? How do I scan it? Why won't it work," the person behind the counter asks their manager who apparently did not do much in the way of effective training over the last few hours. You just give them the price it had listed on the shelf, because there are no longer any nails to chew off your fingers, only skin. Whoops, now you have to wait until the other brand new employee figures out how to work their GPS, rocket scientist engineered, product locating devise and confirm what you just said.

That's it. That is the exact moment I spoke of earlier. From here it is either jail or home. I believe I will be spending my Christmas at home this year but still have some shopping left.

How do you calm these people down? You don't. Just watch and see what happens. They're always good for a laugh or at least a hidden smile, because you don't really want someone that close to the edge to see you laughing at them.

So here it is, a solute to all those nutcase holiday shoppers, I more times than not being one. You're the ones who make Christmas fun and holiday shopping far more entertaining.